Concise writing has no unnecessary words. It is achieved only by careful revision. (See also the Composing Process .) Compare, for example, the original and the revised versions of the following sentence.
change
The payment to which the housing office is entitled should be made promptly so that in the event of a large enrollment, you, as an incoming freshman, may not be denied a place to stay by virtue of your nonpayment.
to
Pay your housing fee. Then even if enrollment rises, you will be sure of having a place to stay.
Not only has one extremely long sentence been divided, but also empty words and phrases have been eliminated and a passive-voice verb changed to the active voice. The following guidelines explain these and other techniques for achieving conciseness.
ELIMINATE REDUNDANT ELEMENTS
Words or phrases that repeat the same idea are redundant.
The cosmetics department was offering a free gift with every purchase. [Free gift is redundant; gifts are always free.]
Here are some other redundant phrases. The words in italics should be deleted in your writing.
advance planning |
filled to capacity |
new beginning |
and moreover |
final outcome |
original source |
appear to be |
first priority |
passing phase/fad/fancy |
as to whether |
follow after |
past history |
attach together |
frown/smile on his face |
penetrate into |
basic essentials |
gather together |
personal opinion |
blue in color |
graceful in appearance |
preplan |
but nevertheless |
habitual/usual custom |
protrude out |
close proximity |
hot-water heater |
realization of a dream |
completely finished |
inside of |
come true |
connect together |
invited guest |
return back |
cooperate together |
join together |
separate apart |
descend down |
joint/mutual cooperation |
serious danger |
eliminate altogether |
last of all |
sink down |
end product |
lift up |
small/large in size |
end result |
local resident |
square/round in shape |
fellow colleagues |
may/might possibly |
strangled to death |
few in number |
never at any time |
surrounding circumstances |
(See also cliche and jargon.)
ELIMINATE EMPTY WORDS AND PHRASES
Vague verbs and nouns (such as to be verbs, involve, center around, aspect, element, factor, field, kind, nature, process) can lead to wordy sentences. (See also buzzwords and vague words.)
Intensifiers (such as very, more, most, best, quite) and other modifiers can also be empty words. As you revise, consider whether every adverb and adjective is necessary.
He bore a very strong resemblance to his father, [unnecessary intensifier]
The sweater was an absolutely perfect fit. [unnecessary adverb]
Her hometown was rather typical of small-town America. [unnecessary adverb]
Many empty phrases (such as I think, in my opinion, I am going to discuss, as you know, and needless to say) can be eliminated from a sentence without affecting its meaning. Others, including the following examples, can be reduced to a single word.
CHANGE |
TO
|
along the lines of |
like |
as of that date |
then |
at present |
now |
at that point (time) |
then |
at this point (time) |
now |
by means of |
by |
by using (utilizing) |
with |
due to the fact that |
because |
during that period |
then |
for the purpose of |
for |
for the reason that |
because |
in order to |
to |
in spite of the fact that |
although, though |
in the event that |
if |
in the neighborhood of |
about |
owing to the fact that |
because |
so as to |
to |
the fact that |
that |
through the use of |
with |
until such time as |
until |
SIMPLIFY THE STRUCTURE
Eliminate Unnecessary Repetition. Although repetition can be intentionally used to emphasize a word or phrase, often it is simply careless writing. Unnecessary repetition can be eliminated by using elliptical constructions, by rewording, or by combining sentences.
The house we bought next to the Joneses' house is the best house we have had. [Elliptical constructions should be used only in sentences, such as this one, where the reader can readily fill in the omitted words.]
Monica was typing a lettey/. The letter was to her brother/. It was about her plans for spring break. [Combining the three sentences eliminates repetition of both the noun letter and the pronoun it representing letter]
Turn Nouns into Verbs. Many nouns have verb forms, and sentences can sometimes be made less wordy and more direct by using the verb form. Compare, for example, conduct an investigation and investigate. All-purpose verbs such as conduct, do, make, and perform often precede nouns that can be changed into verbs.
Eliminate Expletive Constructions. Sentences beginning with the expletives there is, there are, and it is can be made more concise by eliminating the expletive.
Change Passive Voice to Active Voice. Passive voice constructions are wordier and less direct than active voice constructions; compare, for example, the mail was brought in by us to we brought in the mail. When you do not have a reason for using the passive voice, use the active voice.
Turn Negative Sentences into Positive Ones. Positive sentences are less wordy and easier to understand than negative sentences.
We will not take the trip if the weather does not look(s) good.
Reduce Clauses to Phrases and Phrases to Words. The previous example can be made even more concise by turning clauses into phrases.
