General Word Use

Signs: Strings of flat, common words.

Let’s take another look at your average reader. Most likely this person is inundated with reading material at work and at home. For relaxation, he or she watches TV and reads TV Guide — the second most popular publication in the United States, with a circulation of 14,037,062. Consider this movie listing from that magazine:

Cult filmmaker John Waters’s mainstream homage to the harried housewife (played by transvestite Divine).

In business writing, you must compete with this type of language without being flashy or cute. After all, you’re trying to provide information or get a response, not host MTV. A vitally important way to achieve your goal is through specific word use. Notice the specifics in the TV Guide blurb: “cult,” “mainstream,” “harried,” “played by transvestite,” “Divine.” With general words the language dies:

Filmmaker John Waters’s homage to housewives.

Now look at the TV Guide’s farcical take on the “Flubs & Fumbles” of football:

At a Saturday evening charity banquet, Rapunzel-tressed Carolina Panthers’ linebacker Kevin Greene finds himself seated at a table with smoldering sex object Fabio, who is wearing a clone of Greene’s “one-of-a-kind” Armani tux.

And see the difference in this general rendition:

At a charity dinner, the Carolina Panthers’ Kevin Greene sat beside Fabio, who was wearing the same tux.

Notice the difference between this general sentence from a training manual discussing an upcoming computer-skills seminar:

Computers have helped Olympic Food’s employees write better letters faster.

and the specific revision:

Computers have helped Olympic Food’s employees write grammatically superior letters three times faster than 20 years ago.

Why Specifics? A Reason with Teeth

Suppose I told you my friend was attacked by a dog. What would you envision? Chances are a gray, nondescript blur of motion. Now, what if I told you that my friend was attacked by a German shepherd? You would have a dear image of a huge bulk of fur and teeth lunging for a person’s neck. On the other hand, if I said my friend was attacked by a Chihuahua, you’d see a tiny, trembling creature attached to someone’s pant leg. Specific words such as “Chihuahua” and “German shepherd” create a concrete and unmistakably different set of images.
Such words as “three times” and “grammatically” are more interesting than “better” and “more.” They also demonstrate the specific degree of improvement. Rather than say, “In addition to saving you money, our discount plan gives you numerous advantages,” say, In addition to saving you money, our discount plan gives you these six advantages.” Then, set up a clean list that your readers can quickly anticipate and follow.

Another advantage to specifics: they make your writing objective, rooting your statements in fact rather than in opinion. For example, this line is purely opinion:

We are the most popular health club in Greenville County.

After all, popularity is a vague, unmeasureable idea. By being specific, you provide the reader with believable information:

We have 2,000 members — more than any other health club in Greenville County.

Similarly, this general statement:

We tried calling you numerous times to clarify this matter.

would be more credible if specific:

We tried contacting you on Monday and Tuesday mornings to discuss your account.

Creating a specific message doesn’t necessarily mean you must create a longer one. You can often substitute one word for one or two others, as in these examples:

Exceptions: For legal reasons, you can’t use specifics in some materials, particularly in sales and marketing pieces. Your company’s legal department should have helpful guidelines.

The Right Time for Specifics

Be sure to use specifics when you’re mentioning

Times: The meeting began at 1:00 and ended at 1: 10.

Dates: I will contact you on July 15 to confirm our plans for the following morning.

Money: With the merger, we should gross $2.5 million more than last year.

Figures: Twenty percent of our customers live in Colorado Springs.

Identities: Martin Manson, publisher of the Brownsville Star, will support George Frank for mayor.

Descriptions: All our clothing is made from 100% cotton or wool.

Actions: Our company developed a 200-page assessment of National Bank’s managerial practices.

Benefits: Our remodeling service will transform your reception area in less than a month for only $20,000: half our competitor’s fee.